I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
