I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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