my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
