So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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