I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
