Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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