suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
