am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have fence marks all over my body
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
