I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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