Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
