he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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