Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
