probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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