I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
