well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
