I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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