around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
