Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
