i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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