I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
