Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
