My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
