Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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