she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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