We named our party play list daddy issues
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
