I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
