I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
