yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
