You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
