His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
