I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
