Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
