i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
