Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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