My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
