What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just had sex on a roof
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
