Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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