you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
