what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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