you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
