Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
