Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
