Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
