Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
