the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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