? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
