So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
