Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
