Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
