i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You ate ashes out of my bong
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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