So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
