we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
